On Aging

 I had a really, really hard time with my 30th birthday.

Yes, I realize that happened years ago but stick with me here.

As the day approached, I don't remember feeling excited about the milestone. Or feeling like I was #blessed and all that all other jazz.

I just remember thinking, 30. THIRTY. 

How can I possibly be 30?

You see, in my own mind, I am in a constant stage of 26. 

It's the perfect age.

You're not too young to be completely stupid, you feel fabulous and you're just mature enough for people to take you seriously.

I got married that year.

I had a baby the next.

I was so grown up.

Only not.

Flash forward to my 40th birthday.

What I thought would be a girls trip to Las Vegas turned into me + post-partum + beautiful new baby girl. 

WHAT?

My life was a whirlwind of re-learning all of the things that I thought were done eight years before. 

I didn't have time to focus on myself.

And the new baby kept me young.

I realized I wasn't the oldest at any of my ob gyn appointments. In fact, the "older" mother had become the norm.

And I settled in quite nicely enjoying every moment albeit slower. With more patience than I ever thought I had. I relished the time with her and truly appreciated being her mother and everything that came with it.

Heck, I even started this little blog as an outlet and a place to document all things Ava Grace.

Today, I am 50. Well, I'm 51 but whose counting?

And while I'm comfortable in my skin, I would still rather be say, 26. 

Yes, yes. I know. Fortunate for being here. Not everyone reaches this milestone. All that other good stuff.

But really, I don't love this whole getting older thing.

My body is changing. I'm tired all the time. I need glasses. And botox.

Here's somthing.
Sometimes, I see an actress. Or an image of an older woman..

And obviously I google her.

She's 50 ish. 

And I think to myself, wow. My age. I'm 50.

Because remember, in my head, I am 26.

I don't act like I'm 50, do I?

I don't dress like I'm 50, do I?

I don't parent like I'm 50, do I?

Do I look 50???

I know I'm supposed to feel thankful.

And I do.

But some days?

Man, I just want to be 26 again.

OK, 27 works too.

Happy Friday friends.

xo