Dear Julian : On Being Sixteen

 Dear Julian,

I'm not sure what I was so busy doing in early April but I realized that I missed my favourite thing to do for you - write your annual birthday letter.

Today, I looked at last year's letter - and was so shocked to see how many had stopped in to read.

It was then I realized I hadn't written this years.

So here it is.

I know it may seem silly to you that I write you and your sister's a letter every year but I this I know for sure.

1. When I ask you to read yours (which I will do tonight) - you pretend that you don't like it but I know that you secretly do.

And 2. One day, perhaps when I am long gone, or when you have a family of your own - you might, YOU JUST MIGHT, look back at these letters and if I'm very lucky? They may touch you just a little bit.

You are 16.

Sixteen.

You aren't ready to drive just yet. Even though I push to you to get your learner's permit. Mostly because I think it well have you feeling accomplished. 

Your anxiety gets the best of you sometimes but I promise you my sweet boy, that stuff gets much better when YOU are in control.

Do you remember when I suffered so much and would often take the wheel from your dad? Somehow, I felt better when I knew fate was in my own hands.

{now...if we could just do the same thing on an airplane!} 

School has been going much better this year - I know you would still rather be anywhere but there but still, you go. 

You say you're doing it for me. I'll take that.

But really, you are doing it for you.

You still hate to shower.

Hate wearing socks.

Hate anything green.

And have less than zero patience.

You still love playing video games.

Eating nachos.

Listening to the hardest rap imaginable.

And making your little sister crazy.

Me?

I still love you most of all.

And I still kiss you every morning when you pretend to be are asleep.

I can still bring myself to tears when I think about how much I love you.

And I still think you are the most beautiful thing I've ever laid my eyes on.

My Julian.

You will do great things one day - of that I am sure.

You just might kill me in the process. #lesigh

Love you beautiful boy.

Mama

xo