Twenty One : Dear Izzy

 Dear Izzy,

It surely can't be that my sweet baby girl, the one who blessed me all those years ago, is twenty one today?

I stare at you sometimes.

When you're staring intently at the tv - or at your phone - 

I still sometimes can't believe you are mine.

You see, even though I am your mama, I'm still just a girl. Still someone who is trying to figure it out.

And trying not to mess up you, your brother and sister in the process. #truth

As women, we are just expected to know how to do it all Izzy.

To be strong - to be able to handle EVERYTHING.

But the truth is, we don't have to.

It's ok to ask for help. It's ok to not know what to do next. It's ok to mess up.

You are far too hard on yourself some days sweet girl.

I see how much you want to do well.

Do what's right. "Figure it all out".

But here I am, at forty nine, still trying to do just that.

And its OK.

It's more than OK.

You have far more discipline than I ever had at your age.

Likely more than I have today.

And for that, you will see, you will be whoever you want to be - do whatever you want to do.

If I've learned something in all of my years - it's that no amount of anything equals pure passion and hard work.

And this, you have.

Everything else will come in time.

This I promise you.

My Izzy, if I could have but one wish for you on your twenty-first birthday?

It would be that you enjoy every moment.

Big or small.

And to realize that things that seem so devastatingly important today.

Will mean nothing in the years to come.

Life is a gift because you are in it.

I love you my beautiful girl.

And I'm lucky to be your mama.

Happy Birthday.

xo 

Twenty

My beautiful Izzy,

I could stare at this photograph all day long.

To me, it represents exactly how I see you - such innocence with just the slightest hint of mischief.

Today is your twentieth birthday.

TWENTY.

I can hardly believe it.

Yesterday I told you it was your very last day being a teenager.

You laughed.

But you see, it's true. You will never be as young as you were yesterday {or today} ever again.

Cherish that youth.

Do all that you want to do.

Live with no regrets. 

And remember my beautiful girl, everything - good or bad - is temporary.

I remember when you were 15. 16. 17.

You thought I was so hard on you.

Never letting you go to parties - imposing a pretty early curfew by your {ahem} friends standards.

I was always extra worried it's true.

Trying to protect you from danger but also, trying to ensure that you did things at the right time.

When I believed you were old enough to handle it.

And that you would not regret it later when the time was indeed "right" and you had already exhausted all that fun.

You brought it up recently and told me I wasn't wrong in doing so. That you saw that now.

Saw yourself how quickly young kids grow up.

And how fleeting childhood really is.

I'm so glad for that. 

Today my love - today, you are officially an adult.

And I think if I asked you if it was different than you imagined - wishing back then so desperately to grow up - today, you would say yes.

You might even wish for the days of no responsibility.

When your biggest worry was where to have your next birthday party.

Lord knows I do.

You have your entire life ahead of you - some of the best years of that life still to come.

The chance to follow your dreams. Love who you want. And be whoever it is that you want to be.

 I will encourage you always.

And will be there to catch you when you fall.

A mother's love is like no other.

You have learned this I believe - especially in the last few years.

I may get frustrated - I may say things you don't want to hear - I may even do things you will never understand.

But never, NEVER does it mean that I love you less.

The most important job I have? 

Is the job of being your mother.

And when I look at you? 

I think my work is done.

I love you my sweet girl.

Happiest of Birthdays to you.

xox

mama

Eighteen

Eighteen years ago today, I became a mother for the first time.

It was and remains, the single best thing that ever happened to me.

It changed me profoundly - made me realize in that exact moment, what my purpose was.

Before that, everything else seems so unimportant.

When Isabella was born, she was so alert.

Staring right into my eyes curiously wondering who the heck I was.

I felt as though my own eyes were staring back at me - I felt oddly at peace and complete.

Not knowing then that two more would later come along.

I loved her and do with everything I was. Right to the core of me -

I had never known a love like that existed.

The sleepless nights that followed and there were six months worth of them were all worth it.

Those moments in the dark where I would nurse her were among the best moments of my life.

I could stare at her for hours.

And did.

I spent countless hours dressing her, changing here and photographing her.

Much like I would her brother and sister later on.

She was a beautiful child.

I would often get stopped and told how much she resembled a young Shirley Temple - a similiar head of golden curls graced my little girl.

As she grew up, she became a shy, sweet soul.

Never speaking out in class - remembered to this day as the child who rarely spoke.

She later blossomed but some of those characteristics remain.

She shy's easily. Is not one who enjoys being the centre of attention. May not be the first to speak up.

But she is wise beyond her years.

A veracious reader always.

And a very logical thinker.

Today, on the morning of her 18th birthday, I watched her sleep open-mouthed and still can't imagine where the years have gone.

How my little curly haired girl became a woman.

Today she can vote.

Today she can buy a lottery ticket and plans to.

Tomorrow, she'll take on the world.

I am ridiculously proud of her.

For who she is, and for who she will become.

I love you more than anything my sweet Izzy.

Don't ever change.

mama

xo

Sweet Sixteen : A letter to the first girl to change my life

source

Dear Isabella,

It seems so apropos that sweet you is sweet 16 today.

The day you came into the world is one I will never forget. You made your entrance on a Saturday night, with a headful of black hair and blue eyes that later changed.

You stared up at me as though you were trying to decide who I was and whether you should hang around.

I'm glad you did.

You were a kind, shy little girl with a headful of golden curls. Everywhere we went, people would stop to tell us how adorable you were.

A little Shirley Temple.
I can remember years later wishing to have you back at the toddler stage for just one more day. 
They were some of the happiest days of my life.