Ava Grace's Closet: On Father's Day : A Letter to My Dad
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Monday, June 19, 2017

On Father's Day : A Letter to My Dad

Dear Daddy,
Today is Father's Day. And while I know we should celebrate those we love every day, today just gives us all that extra reason to love on you.
Yesterday, I told the kids that we would go and see you first thing in the morning. Two teenagers - and no one complained about waking up early.
Because, you see, you reap what you sow.
And you, you sow only goodness. And love. 
They know innately how much you love them.
As did I.

 I hear my own birth story often.
You at home, waiting for news. {how crazy is that?!}
I envision you pacing but you were likely not. #toomanymovies
When the doctor called, he said "you have a beautiful little girl" albeit in croatian.
You screamed with joy through the phone. Letting out a huge whoop!
Apparently, it was the talk of the hospital.
I don't think dads were very vocal those days.

From the time I was just a little girl, I knew I had a special place with you.
You were a protector. Often protecting me from my own mother when she was upset with me for this or that.
Some would say that you were not the head of the household - they would be sorta right.
Mom ruled that roost.
But when it came to me? You always stood up to her.
I remember the time when I wanted roller skates SO badly. 
She insisted they were far too dangerous.
You bought them for me anyway.
Later, when I fell and almost killed myself? 
You picked me up - and we both planned out what we would say to mom to cover up.
It didn't go so well. 

Years later, my first boyfriend.
God...that was so hard for you.
It was like YOU were uncomfortable in your own house rather than he being nervous meeting you.
You liked him.
Often talking sports - 
I know we spent far too much time together.
That I got caught up and ridiculous.
First love has a way of making you crazy.
And when I decided to leave home in a fit of stupid anger? I broke your heart.
I will never forget how you cried. Asking me how I could do this to you.
I came back a short few months later.
But to this day, will never forgive myself for hurting you the way I did.
It remains one of the things I am most regretful of.

When cancer struck you some years ago, prostate, you were more afraid than anyone I had ever seen.
You weren't quite ready to give up.
And felt it best they just remove the whole damn thing for fear of it ever returning.
I was by your side through it all of course.
Know that we called you a big 'ol chicken behind your back. 
Because you were.
The operation was a huge success and you were up and urinating faster than anyone the doctor had seen before.
I swear it was because you just wanted to get the heck out of there.
I was probably right.

Today, you love my children more than you love yourself.
I suspect, more than you have ever loved anyone.
If Ava, God forbid, even mentions she wants this or that - a package of a specific gum, a hoola hoop - it is ALWAYS there by the time I pick her up.
Not sure how you do that.
On that note, you have been picking Ava up from school every day - personally, I think it has saved you.
Because we all fight that depression and anxiety demon.
And a lack of feeling true purpose often makes it worse.
I am glad I was able to give you that purpose.
And you do it with so much joy.
Daddy, saying I love you is not enough.
You are the first man I ever loved - and no one else could ever come close.
They wouldn't dare.
You are one of a kind.
The best of the best.
I truly don't know what I would do without you.
Even though I sense you preparing me all the time.

Volim te puno.

1 comment :

  1. Dearest Susan,
    Wow, what a very special and heartfelt contribution to your Dad on Father's Day.
    Yes, my husband Pieter also grew up in a household where his Mom was the 'General'...
    It has an impact on your life forever I guess, maybe it even triggers to respond in a way to cover up for it. At times Pieter wants to prove so hard that he is the Alpha male... No need for it!
    My Dad was the opposite, my Mom was the softer, loving person that has been all her life way to submissive.
    So happy that your Dad is so special to Ava; great bonding time and now your Dad has his hands free and so much more time.
    Loved your last sentence; so sweet and powerful!


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