Ava Grace's Closet: Thirteen

Monday, April 13, 2015

Thirteen

When Isabella was born, I never thought I could ever again experience a love like that.
And then, three and a half years later, Julian came to us.
Words could never do the feelings justice.
I was enthralled, consumed, amazed and utterly, hopelessly in love with him.
Everyone noticed.
Especially my mother in law.
I was crazy about the boy.

Dear Julian,
I can hardly believe that you are 13. 
You still seem like such a little boy to me - perhaps you always will.
You love your momma. (Don't let the pictures fool you) And you know how I love you.
You make me crazy most days - mostly because I know you aren't being and doing everything you could be.
Your potential is limitless.
You are a gift. I know that. And perhaps, in you, a lesson for me.

I think we all wish our children could be just like us.
But in our differences, this, this is what the true gift of parenting is.
Knowing that each child is different, needs different things. And I know I've screwed up sometimes. Been angry - frustrated.
I wish I always knew what the right thing to do was. The right way to approach you. Deal with what you were dealing with.

Today, I feel like we've come so far.
Almost...almost full circle.
We knew you would get there - I guess you just had to do it on your own terms.
A late bloomer.
Starting only now to slowly mature. Beginning to open up.
Getting into sports when so many asked why not before.
I have always said that you would surprise everyone. And I truly believe that.
I think God has big plans for you. 
I can't wait to see what those are. What the future holds for you.

I wish I could keep each of you little forever.
Often, I look at you, at your older sister and wonder how it could be possible that you are mine.
I still feel like a kid myself most days.
And then, I noticed your voice changing. The hard to not notice little moustache above your lip. 
Your slow and steady towering over me. {over everyone}
And I realize, no matter how much I wish you could stay small forever, it was time for you to grow up.
And today...13.
A teenager.

Say it isn't true sweet Jules.
My little boy you will always be.
I love you more than you know.
xo
mommy

5 comments :

  1. Beautiful! Happy birthday to Julien! 13 - wow!

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  2. Happy Birthday Mr. J!!! Beautifully written Susan ... how proud of the young man he is becoming and your love for him comes through in each word!!! ... xo

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  3. aww Wow Susan -- that made me tear up! -- Happiest of Birthdays Julian!!!

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  4. Your son is gorgeous, Susan! Happy Birthday! He looks older by the way (which I am sure he loves to hear ;-)
    My son only got into sports even a lot later and maybe you have seen the photo I posted on Instagram today...
    Love the cake as I am crazy about (European) football myself :-)

    Annette | Lady of Style

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  5. Dearest Susan,
    You are remarkable, as a Mother, as a happy young looking Woman and as a Poet! IF all young adults would be left with such beautiful writing about their take-off into adulthood; WOW! One day that will become a treasure...
    Hugs,
    Mariette

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I love reading every last one. Thanks so much for stopping by our little blog. xo.

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