This has been on my heart lately and like always, when I think about something too much, I have the overwhelming urge to write it down. Get it out. Share it.
You see, I knew it was going to happen, I was just hoping it wouldn't happen quite this quickly.
I tried to keep her little.
Maybe a little too much so.
But my original baby girl? She is growing up.
And this mama didn't realize how hard it was going to be on me.
I went through a phase with my two oldest, I'm only now realizing.
When they were very small, I was crazy for them. Worried all the time.
Rushing to get to them at daycare - literally counting "minutes away" during the course of the day.
And then, for a period in between, up until the tween years, I let go. I finally felt safe I guess, for lack of a better word.
I knew they were old enough to get it and also that they needed to be independent and on their own. I was ok with leaving them. I thought about them during the day but wasn't missing them non-stop because I knew they were fine.
And then. One of them turned 16.
And everything changed.
Now, I have brand new things to worry about.
And I play out every.single.bad.scenario in my head. What is that? and how do I make it stop?
I feel like I just want to hold onto her. Make sure she is ok and that nothing bad happens.
Don't even get me started on boys.
Because I am in a whole other way out of my comfort zone there.
I was sure I would be fine when that day came. Turns out, I was wrong.
I like the nice things. The getting roses on valentine's day kinda nice. The teddy bears.
But the we are going to the movies, can I go to his house for a little while, can he come to our house...this part, I don't like so much.
I am trying to "get with the times" but really, every time she walks into a room, I still picture her like this -
And I do not want that little sweetie pie doing anything except staying in with her mommy + daddy.
Till say...25.
Too much to ask?
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| source Any advice on learning to let go? Right now, I'm contemplating locks on her door. |
Oh mon ami .... remember what an amazing MOTHER (and Daddy) you are ... how you have instilled independence and good judgement in your children by example. Izzy is smart and will make the right choices - if she is unsure of something or not comfortable - remember that you have raised her with unconditional love and SHE WILL turn to you and seek guidance. I can't imagine what's its like to be in your shoes ( this I know - my little girl has 4 legs and will always be with me ..lol) But I can offer a ear to listen and a glass (or bottle) of bubbly to calm the the nerves ... hope to see you soon... hugs, Celia M. (HHL)
ReplyDeleteI think letting go and trusting them ( in a totally different sense) is so hard in todays world, I mean we trust them but we do not trust life. We want to shelter them from growing up to fast, from getting hurt by life, from seeing bad things but ultimately we have to trust that we brought them up right and they will be fine ( and we will always be there when they need us)
ReplyDeleteDearest Susan,
ReplyDeleteLovely to see a cutie pie picture from Izzy, after having seen Ava growing up FAST as well. It is scary but you did the right thing by building a sturdy foundation and with that, Izzy will always find her way back to her warm and loving NEST; if ever needed for advice or support. It is oh so scary to see the years tick by that fast!
Sending you hugs and stay warm!
Mariette
Susan, I think its called freedom with control. Oxymoron, I know, but that is how it needs to be for young folks learning to be independent. They need the freedom while also knowing you are the one who is ultimately in control. Some folks call it security. She is a doll and yes, this may be hardest phase of being a parent, yet it will also bring many blessings.
ReplyDeleteMy 17 year old daughter started dating a boy last year. It worried me as well. Being a mother of two boys though, one a 15 year old, I had some insight into how boys think. My coping mechanism was to invite him into our home and get to know him. Nearly one year later I know him very well and think he is a lovely young man. I no longer worry as much and trust they will both make sensible decisions.
ReplyDeleteI cannot tell you how thankful I am for this comment! I am trying to do the same thing...will let you know how it goes! I tried to email you directly but your comment registered as a no comment blogger. :/
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