A Letter to my Son on his 15th Birthday

Dear Julian,

From the day you were born, you rocked my world.

Yes, I had already had a baby - your sister - but this? This was somehow different.

I was told by so many friends that a mother's relationship with a boy was truly something inexplicable.

 I doubted them.

There was no way I could love anyone as much as I loved the child I already had.

No way there could be that much love in me.

But I was wrong.

To say I was obsessed with you would be putting it mildly.

I loved you with every inch of my being. 

You were the happiest child - always smiling. In the mornings, you would lie in your crib (and later, stand up holding the wooden bars for dear life!) and SMILE.

I couldn't wait to sweep you up and start our day each day.

You were a great eater (still are!) and truly never gave me a hard time unless it was time to sleep.

You were having none of that.

I cried on friend's couches when they would let me.

So tired I could hardly stand.

Just as you would fall asleep and I would tiptoe ever so quietly out of the room - boom! You were up again.

I thought for sure those early months would kill me.

But somehow, we made it through. And eventually, you slept through the night.

Today, I can barely wake you up - and the snooze button? It's your new best friend.

#theytoldmetherewouldbedayslikethis

As a toddler, you already started to show your shy side.

Staying as close to me as possible at all times - not that I minded.

To this day, old friends and neighbours laugh about how I always had you in my arms. 

 Me carrying you with one arm, balanced on my hip, at ALL times.

Truth be told, I hated when people asked to hold you.

And secretly, I know you hated it too.

Boys and their mamas.

Today my son, as you turn 15, I can honestly say that you were the one sent here to give me a run for my money.

The difficult child. 

The moody kid.

I haven't yet truly figured you out - I don't think anyone has.

And yes, I get calls from school on the daily.

And yes, we know it's just not your thing.

And yes, I pray that this too shall pass.

But I also know, this I feel in my heart, that one day? One day you will surprise all of us.

Your wisdom amazes me even though it is tucked so deep inside of you.

My wish for you is that you will recognize your greatness - and use it for good.

Julian, I love you more than I will ever be able to express.

You are a piece of me and the mere smell of you makes me happy.

My son, you might just be the death of me but know that no one, NO ONE, will ever love you like your mama does.

Happy Birthday my sweet boy.

xo 

mom