This is my Truth

It has taken me a while to share this post.

I've thought about whether or not I actually wanted to share this story.

Thought about whether or not anyone would care to know. Whether they had already figured it out.

Wondered.

I knew eventually that it was in me - and that it needed to come out.

My story.

My truth.

My new reality.

I have left my marriage.

After 18 years, and a lot of soul searching, I knew I had to do what was right.

Finally.

The truth of the matter is, I overstayed my welcome.

I way overstayed my welcome.

For 3 reasons.

Isabella, Julian and little Ava Grace.

I believe in sacrifice. I really do.

But when you give up yourself, your own needs and happiness - your children will feel it.

And they will not be better for your settling.

In the end, really, that is what I was doing.

What I had done for many years.

Sure, the picture of our life looked like a good one.

A beautiful home, a handsome couple, 3 beautiful children.

But inside of me, inside of my husband - the type of love that should have been there was gone.

I have since questioned if it was really there at all.

And so, for the same 3 reasons why I stayed so long, I made the decision to leave.

I didn't want Julian to learn that this was how a wife should be treated.

I didn't want the girls to think settling was o.k. Ever.

The last few months have been among the most difficult of my life.

I moved almost 20 years of living for 4 people out of my beloved home. Pretty much solo.

I learned who my true friends were. And are.

I learned that your own family is the only family you have.

That no matter what you have done for people in the past, some will forget.

I have learned that people choose sides - even when they don't know the whole story.

Or even part of the story.

I purchased a beautiful new home.

I set it all up.

I worked full time through it all while simultaneously juggling 3 kids.

And emotionally, I somehow managed to keep it together.

I read a quote somewhere recently that read,

"if he doesn't chase you after you walk away, keep walking".

And that's exactly what I did.

I am not sad. Not for me at least - not for what was, because there was nothing.

I have felt unloved for years.

 Tremendously unappreciated.

Lucky for me, the rest of my life was and is very full -

With the laughter of my children.

With dear friends and family.

With a rewarding job.

And with this little blog and all of you.

Those who faithfully visit day in and day out to share our lives.

For all of you, I could no longer pretend.

This is my truth.

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