I've thought about whether or not I actually wanted to share this story.
Thought about whether or not anyone would care to know. Whether they had already figured it out.
I knew eventually that it was in me - and that it needed to come out.
My new reality.
I have left my marriage.
After 18 years, and a lot of soul searching, I knew I had to do what was right.
The truth of the matter is, I overstayed my welcome.
I way overstayed my welcome.
For 3 reasons.
Isabella, Julian and little Ava Grace.
I believe in sacrifice. I really do.
But when you give up yourself, your own needs and happiness - your children will feel it.
And they will not be better for your settling.
In the end, really, that is what I was doing.
What I had done for many years.
Sure, the picture of our life looked like a good one.
A beautiful home, a handsome couple, 3 beautiful children.
But inside of me, inside of my husband - the type of love that should have been there was gone.
I have since questioned if it was really there at all.
And so, for the same 3 reasons why I stayed so long, I made the decision to leave.
I didn't want Julian to learn that this was how a wife should be treated.
I didn't want the girls to think settling was o.k. Ever.
The last few months have been among the most difficult of my life.
I moved almost 20 years of living for 4 people out of my beloved home. Pretty much solo.
I learned who my true friends were. And are.
I learned that your own family is the only family you have.
That no matter what you have done for people in the past, some will forget.
I have learned that people choose sides - even when they don't know the whole story.
Or even part of the story.
I purchased a beautiful new home.
I set it all up.
I worked full time through it all while simultaneously juggling 3 kids.
And emotionally, I somehow managed to keep it together.
I read a quote somewhere recently that read,
"if he doesn't chase you after you walk away, keep walking".
And that's exactly what I did.
I am not sad. Not for me at least - not for what was, because there was nothing.
I have felt unloved for years.
Lucky for me, the rest of my life was and is very full -
With the laughter of my children.
With dear friends and family.
With a rewarding job.
And with this little blog and all of you.
Those who faithfully visit day in and day out to share our lives.
For all of you, I could no longer pretend.
This is my truth.