Ava Grace's Closet: This is my Truth

Monday, November 14, 2016

This is my Truth

It has taken me a while to share this post.
I've thought about whether or not I actually wanted to share this story.
Thought about whether or not anyone would care to know. Whether they had already figured it out.
Wondered.
I knew eventually that it was in me - and that it needed to come out.
My story.
My truth.
My new reality.

I have left my marriage.
After 18 years, and a lot of soul searching, I knew I had to do what was right.
Finally.
The truth of the matter is, I overstayed my welcome.
I way overstayed my welcome.
For 3 reasons.
Isabella, Julian and little Ava Grace.

I believe in sacrifice. I really do.
But when you give up yourself, your own needs and happiness - your children will feel it.
And they will not be better for your settling.
In the end, really, that is what I was doing.
What I had done for many years.
Sure, the picture of our life looked like a good one.
A beautiful home, a handsome couple, 3 beautiful children.
But inside of me, inside of my husband - the type of love that should have been there was gone.
I have since questioned if it was really there at all.
And so, for the same 3 reasons why I stayed so long, I made the decision to leave.
I didn't want Julian to learn that this was how a wife should be treated.
I didn't want the girls to think settling was o.k. Ever.

The last few months have been among the most difficult of my life.
I moved almost 20 years of living for 4 people out of my beloved home. Pretty much solo.
I learned who my true friends were. And are.
I learned that your own family is the only family you have.
That no matter what you have done for people in the past, some will forget.
I have learned that people choose sides - even when they don't know the whole story.
Or even part of the story.
I purchased a beautiful new home.
I set it all up.
I worked full time through it all while simultaneously juggling 3 kids.
And emotionally, I somehow managed to keep it together.

I read a quote somewhere recently that read,
"if he doesn't chase you after you walk away, keep walking".
And that's exactly what I did.
I am not sad. Not for me at least - not for what was, because there was nothing.
I have felt unloved for years.
 Tremendously unappreciated.
Lucky for me, the rest of my life was and is very full -
With the laughter of my children.
With dear friends and family.
With a rewarding job.
And with this little blog and all of you.
Those who faithfully visit day in and day out to share our lives.
For all of you, I could no longer pretend.

This is my truth.
source

7 comments :

  1. Dearest Susan, I'm sending healing energy that you may move forth in this new chapter of your life with all the happiness, love, peacefulness and abundance you seek and deserve. Taking care of yourself during this time extremely important ... make sure you have time each day to nurture you mind, body, soul ... hugs, C.

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  2. Oh I'm so very sorry. What a difficult time for you! Thank you for sharing such a private and personal story.

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  3. Dearest Susan,
    You are brutally honest and that only proves what a strong and sincere woman you are! Go for it and luckily you got the heart, good looks and even more important - the brains for going this road alone (for the time being).
    Yes, it is never easy for distancing yourself from the things that weigh you down but we have to. I too have left a lot of negativity behind me and disconnected from all those that never will add happiness or importance to my (our) lives. It feels good and I just got back from a check up and my health, even my kidneys have improved! I could sing - which I literally started doing, singing and dancing and it feels great. Yes, there is a better tomorrow, even if the transitional period will be a tough road. Receive a huge killer hug and know that you got a friend in Georgia with a Rose Suite. You're always welcome!
    Hugs and blessings,
    Mariette

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  4. Susan, I'm sorry to hear that, but at the same time you are extremely brave and self aware enough to know what's right for you. Thank you for sharing because I know it helps others as well as yourself. I just want to hug you. Stay strong and it sounds like you are on the right path with lots of positivity and good things going on in your life. I may not comment all the time but I read every day. Hugs, Jenny

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  5. Wow, that is so great that you shared this. It must have been so hard to hide - or not put it out there - for so long. You are right, children see everything and you are saving them and yourself.

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  6. Nothing is more beautiful than a smile that has struggled through tears.. Demi Lovato. I love you an I'm here for you always!xo

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  7. Thank you for sharing this. I am going through something similar right now. It is encouraging to know that an amazing woman has lived through this.

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I love reading every last one. Thanks so much for stopping by our little blog. xo.

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